at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
