they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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