Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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