i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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