but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
