At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Just puked most of my soul out..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
