How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
