Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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