why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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