she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
