i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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