every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
