why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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