I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
