did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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