I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
