i don't like sucking hair
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so let's talk penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
