We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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