Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
