Please, let me fuck your mom
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
