It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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