you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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