Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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