after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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