I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i dont even know how to be here
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
