dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
