the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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