there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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