she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
