His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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