my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
