I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize