i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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