hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
