Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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