dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
