Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
All the doctor said was why
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
