Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
