you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
