I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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