I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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