I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
