it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
is it fun? or sober?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
