Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
