I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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