So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
