nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
