I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
