I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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