A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
