lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
