I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
